Matthew 5:37

Here's a little quick entry before I turn myself in...


My verse for ending today, Matthew 5:37 - But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’

Why? Because I was struck so hard but this guy. Been treating him like a brother, having fun with him, talking about common topics and even being happy for him seeing that he's rising up to be a leader. That even recently I recommended him a job. But also because of my goodwill, it revealed a nature of him I've long suspected by always refuse to believe...

I could only say that one does not lose respect when he falls. He only loses it when he escapes from his failures...

Somehow at a corner of my mind, I wished that Joel and Dylan was here, then maybe this wouldn't have happened...


I know what I know and I know what I do not know yet I also do not know what I do not know but I cannot not know what I know.

Avalanche

Hi blog!

It's been a long long time since my previous entry! Guess I was pretty busy all this while. A lot have been happening in these months and I have not had the luxury of time to just stop and think through. And that's perhaps why today I've got what I've got. Somehow, one way of another, every time I try to follow instructions, try to do something right, something wrong has to turn up. In army, at home and even at church. What that saddens me most is that the people I want to feel proud of me are the ones that I hurt the most... Gomen nasai~ :'(

Recently I've been asking myself, what my achievements meant to myself... I've collected enough awards and certs to the extend that many are envious of me but really, is there a point? I've got straight Band 1s for every test every year in primary school, received edusave bursary awards and scholarships. In secondary school, I've at least one and some two or more certs for top in level for almost every subjects. Even for Army, got platoon runner-up and got posted to the rarest unit. But really, a guy like me with no talents or what so ever, what do all these means to me, I don't know... People always tell me that I can bake and cook well but somehow, it has become a burden... As in, I enjoy doing them but are they really gifts that I'll be proud of? How would one feel if their sheep told them that they wanna be like me cause I cook and bake well, that's the question I often post to myself. Sometimes I wished, I was more ordinary, no talents, no gifting, just ordinary but then again, it's a joy to serve with my gifting and talents...

Got back to the court, back to Changkat again, after 7months. Wasn't able to play for that long after my op, it brings me joy even to go back, esp when Elisha told me that he feels more complete now that I'm back. Was heartwarming. Great to see the friends there and the new people that came in midst of my absence. Played my fill and had BBQ at the court then after. What that happens after that was really amazing! Elisha started to tell Hao Shen, Hao Hong and Zhi Wei about God and then Kim Siong started to share his testimonies and then me! We even shared the gospel to them! Just as how we remind people about salting today, God actually gave us an opportunity to salt! We could just see the hunger in their eyes as we talked and before we kneww it, it was close to 3am!!! I also showed Hao Sheng how prayer could stop rain and indeed the rain stopped! He even asked how to pray!!! The most rewarding part is that when Hao Hong told he that he could feel that what we said was true and that he actually could relate to it! I told him to feel free to drop by church and he said he would! The amazing fact is that I only knew Hao Hong for only 2 days and we could just feel the connection!!!!! Now it's just left with Zhi Wei and Hao Sheng, those that we've been salting every week for 3years already!!! We know that they would be saved!

Today was full of mixed feelings and that through it all, it just increase my dependency on Him even more, even at times where I don't understand or don't have the strength to understand. I don't know what the future have in place for me but I'd like to walk it with Him.

*SHOUT OUT* to those who's been at my blog whether I know you or not, a big thank you for post on my chatbox! You guys are great!

si je pouvais déchirer mon cœur et de vous montrer

I've never thought that you were tough on me even after all these years, I just wished that we could be closer....

A Different Heart

Everything when it comes to posting a new blog entry, I'm always stuck with a dilemma. The problem of a title for the entry. Perhaps this problem struck authors, preachers, songwriters and many whose content is rich but could not come up with a title or name that is on par or good enough to justify the content. It's like a dish which taste is layerful, rich and tasteful yet the plating comes to an ultimate fail. The reason for my title is because of what have been happening recently and the many things that caused a change in me.

They say sometimes, troubles are blessings in disguise and that recently a misunderstanding I caused created a opportunity for me to gain great insight. It showed me so much that I wasn't able to see and that it made me realised that what I thought I saw was not all. Words of foolishness speaks to the ears, words of the wise, the heart. Thanks ShiXiong for remembering, watching and understanding. Thanks for being there watching quietly but caring so greatly!

In the past few weeks, really glad that bonds between people grew stronger. Between the guys, RJ, Joo Keng, Vincent and Jun Wei, although seemlessly all seem to be busy with our lives, we grew in interest and concern over each others lives. Beyond all the talks that we have, our disappointments, discontentments or even maybe our resentments, deep down inside it only goes to show how much more comfortable we have grown with each other and that we're allowing each other to know the depths of our hearts. Kudos to years of bromance! And of course with Jeremy Chin, who would have known that we could work so well with each other??? ^^v Your thickskiness and of great admirable! And of course Andy, Elisha, Poon, Anissa and Susan! Hahaha! I pretty glad that through these years although so much have changed but our relationships just gets better. Even the little smses within the week just reminds me of how in times of our busyness, there's still this little space of each other!

Mehhhhh! Of course my sheeps! Wei Da and Keith! Can't express how proud I am of you two! I really am!!! Wei Da, don't ever look down on yourself, there's so much more you can do, if only you could start believing! And Keith, yes, your good on the keys!!! Although we're on this "love-hate" relationship but I believe we can grow so much stronger together!

Lastly, a lesson I learnt today... That even as I'm hanging out with people, outwardly they may seem alright but they're tweeting different things on Twitter on the same moment. And sometimes I just wish I had the answers to their questions.... But the most I could do is pat them on the head, give them a nudge, a pat on the shoulder and a smile. And even as Pst Yang spoke about burden 2 weeks back, I feel that this issue of putting up a facade and yet hurting inside is really tugging on my heart. My the Lord reveal the things of the kingdom upon my heart and grant me understanding...

So much so said, the only thoughts that could go through my mind now is that "how can I make people feel so secured in their place knowing that they are loved?"













Let Thy henchman be thee answer

Threading...

It seems the more I try to be careful walking on the thin glass,
It just keeps cracking and cracking...
I don't want it to break but I can't just stand there and stare...
How I wish there's a guidebook or something,
But now, I'm even afraid to walk...
I laugh at my pittance...

Regret...

I've never wanted to hurt those I love but I always end up hurting them...

Cry.

As the warm afternoon breeze settles in,
A soft melancholic mood swings in...
As I playing a little country tune,
My heart flutters at my incapabilities...
Lament not over what I have lost,
But weeping over what I could not do...
Just as a swordsman wish to overcome wars,
I soar with dreams as high as the skies...
But what's with this disheartened heart,
A heart as dull as a mallet?
Oh my soul,
why art thou so downcast?
Have I not accomplished great things in my youth?
Or have I not seen the wonders of what the Almighty can do?
Perhaps all I needed was a time under the apple tree,
But may I not be like Lincoln,
Chopped the tree,
Having to face the music...
Listen to my silent prayer,
My spirit be my guide,
What my right does, my left does not,
It could not neither could it try.
But if You allow,
Make my left as strong as my right used to,
Let it glory in what it could do,
What it's best in, use it, choose it, teach it...
That if one day my right regains its former glory,
The left rejoice together.
Let them not covet, envy or strife against themselves,
But I pray,
Let them love, endure and cover one another...
Most of all that they might protect whatever that's closest to me,
The bonds that no blacksmiths can forge...
May they not be broken through words,
Though swords slice not through them...
Know my heart, guide my ways,
Do not forsake me I pray...
When you can't trust my hands,
Please,
Trust my heart...













w~

Here, again.

Konbawa my dear blog! Hear am I again, not as long as I expect I'll stay away from you. As much as I want to post something happy, there's probably nothing much to, other than the fact that I just ate 2packs of Jajjiangmyun that made me feel alittle more satisfied. I don't know what to say so prolly just some random stuff...

Really motivated to play my guitar better, no special reason but ya, really want to play it better. *Strum strum dilly dilly dum dum* :) Not to mention looking really forward to getting a new guitar ( I know it hasn't been long since I got my 12strings ) but yea, wonder what my next guitar would be...

My bro just came back in 2weeks and this is really totally random! But I'm not exactly happy to see him back but rather Dad & I would prefer him not back and I'm not going into the details why...

Really want to get a big and clean kitchen fully equipped all to myself! This way I can cook all I want and bake all I want and do things that I love doing in all the time that I want!!! Weee!

Great news, got into Gen Musical Dance, Bad news, read something somewhere that made me question is all I'm doing worth it... Counter balance, now feelingless, no good....

Ok and my bro just left for my mum's hse... Dunno what's he's thinking but...

Sam is in NS now so supper with? Myself, that is till I find another person that is...

Dunno what else to type so shall stop at here and onward to my guitar...