It's been a long long time since my previous entry! Guess I was pretty busy all this while. A lot have been happening in these months and I have not had the luxury of time to just stop and think through. And that's perhaps why today I've got what I've got. Somehow, one way of another, every time I try to follow instructions, try to do something right, something wrong has to turn up. In army, at home and even at church. What that saddens me most is that the people I want to feel proud of me are the ones that I hurt the most... Gomen nasai~ :'(
Recently I've been asking myself, what my achievements meant to myself... I've collected enough awards and certs to the extend that many are envious of me but really, is there a point? I've got straight Band 1s for every test every year in primary school, received edusave bursary awards and scholarships. In secondary school, I've at least one and some two or more certs for top in level for almost every subjects. Even for Army, got platoon runner-up and got posted to the rarest unit. But really, a guy like me with no talents or what so ever, what do all these means to me, I don't know... People always tell me that I can bake and cook well but somehow, it has become a burden... As in, I enjoy doing them but are they really gifts that I'll be proud of? How would one feel if their sheep told them that they wanna be like me cause I cook and bake well, that's the question I often post to myself. Sometimes I wished, I was more ordinary, no talents, no gifting, just ordinary but then again, it's a joy to serve with my gifting and talents...
Got back to the court, back to Changkat again, after 7months. Wasn't able to play for that long after my op, it brings me joy even to go back, esp when Elisha told me that he feels more complete now that I'm back. Was heartwarming. Great to see the friends there and the new people that came in midst of my absence. Played my fill and had BBQ at the court then after. What that happens after that was really amazing! Elisha started to tell Hao Shen, Hao Hong and Zhi Wei about God and then Kim Siong started to share his testimonies and then me! We even shared the gospel to them! Just as how we remind people about salting today, God actually gave us an opportunity to salt! We could just see the hunger in their eyes as we talked and before we kneww it, it was close to 3am!!! I also showed Hao Sheng how prayer could stop rain and indeed the rain stopped! He even asked how to pray!!! The most rewarding part is that when Hao Hong told he that he could feel that what we said was true and that he actually could relate to it! I told him to feel free to drop by church and he said he would! The amazing fact is that I only knew Hao Hong for only 2 days and we could just feel the connection!!!!! Now it's just left with Zhi Wei and Hao Sheng, those that we've been salting every week for 3years already!!! We know that they would be saved!
Today was full of mixed feelings and that through it all, it just increase my dependency on Him even more, even at times where I don't understand or don't have the strength to understand. I don't know what the future have in place for me but I'd like to walk it with Him.
*SHOUT OUT* to those who's been at my blog whether I know you or not, a big thank you for post on my chatbox! You guys are great!
si je pouvais déchirer mon cœur et de vous montrer
I've never thought that you were tough on me even after all these years, I just wished that we could be closer....
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